Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Check list for an adventurous pilgrimage within


The past few weeks churned me up well. Digging the dirt i realised that the depths i fall into is the distance i want to traverse.So one really never falls into a just descends to the heights of ones being. Long walks , ruminations and affirmations did add a lot to my sense of well being, but still there was that faint ,yet powewrful trace of despair that cramped my being intermittently. Usually i do not resort to books during such moments, but this time i felt such an intense urge to read Sheldon B Kopp's "If You Meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill Him"..i just felt that my psyche needed it all over again, this time at random and one such blind pick led me to that page which gave me a deeper glimpse into the nature of things far clearer than any of my attempts to figure and conjure up the underlying message lurking behind every reality, imperious or otherwise.

I decided to put it on the net hoping that a kindered soul might find it might also possibly serve as a sign post to many wandering pilgrims on the information superhighway!

1.This is it!

2.There are no hidden meanings.

3.You can’t get there from here, and besides there is no place else to go.

4.We are already dying , and we will be dead for a long time.

5.Nothing lasts.

6.There is no way of getting all you want.

7.You can’t have anything until you let go of it.

8.You only get to keep what you give away.

9.There is no particular reason why you lost out on some things.

10.The world is not necessarily just. Being good often does not pay off and there is no compensation for misfortune.

11.You have a responsibility to do your best nonetheless.

12.It is a random universe to which we bring meaning.

13.You don’t really control anything.

14.You can’t make anyone love you.

15.No one is any stronger or any weaker than any one else.

16.Everyone is, in his own way, vulnerable.

17.There are no great men.

18.If you have a hero, look again: you have diminished yourself in some way.

19.Everyone lies, cheats, pretends ( yes, you too, and most certainly I myself).

20.All evil is potential vitality in need of transformation.

21.All of you is worth something, if you will only own it.

22.Progress is an illusion.

23.Evil can be displaced but never eradicated, as all solutions breed new problems.

24.Yet, it is necessary to keep struggling toward solution.

25.Childhood is a nightmare.

26.But it is so very hard to be an on-your-own, take-care-of-yourself-because-there-is-no-one-else-to-do-it-for-you-grown-up.

27.Each of us is ultimately alone.

28.The most important things, each man must do for himself.

29.Love is not enough, but it sure helps.

30.We have only ourselves, and one another. That may not be much, but that’s all there is.

31.How strange, that so often, it all seems worth it.

32.We must live within the ambiguity of partial freedom, partial power, and partial knowledge.

33.All important decisions must be made on the basis of insufficient data.

34.Yet we are responsible for everything we do.

35.No excuses will be accepted.

36.You can run, but you can’t hide.

37.It is most important to run out of scapegoats.

38.We must learn the power of living with our helplessness.

39.The only victory lies in surrender to oneself.

40.All of the significant battles are waged within the self.

41.You are free to do whatever you like. You need only to face the consequences.

42.What do you know… for sure…any way?

43.Learn to forgive yourself, again and again and again and again…

Quoted from :" If you meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill Him!" by Dr.Sheldon B Kopp

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Un-I-fying ...and a Song


I have no clue of
Where i shall end up
on this path of exploring myself;
i have just begun to realize
that the more i try to live from within
the more vulnerable and sensitive i become
and more fierce
the throngs of pain and loneliness.

Seeing my cherished beliefs
shatter before my eyes,
i know it is going to cost me
my dreams, my desires, prejudice
and the certainty of the known.

What i accept this moment,
i find myself rejecting it
the very next moment.

Trying to 'Unify' the fragments
with the glue of reason
i realize that life is not
quite a jigsaw puzzle...
instead each fragment
a fractal reflecting itself
and the rest.

An attempt to 'unify'
gave way to 'un'-I-fication...

i adore,
i abhor...
and some times my very
saying and doing it.

i am 'un'
and also 'un' of 'un' !

Post script: Scribbled that much sitting in the portico of Tatta's tea shop...and then went blank wondering what to write next. It is then he switched on his radio...and the old Tamil song from the local FM station came coursing if it had a message for me. Gazing at the clouds grazing around the mighty 'elephentanie hill' , watching people moving on the railway platform waiting for the evening sharp contrast with Bombay suburban railway stations in the evening where you see people risk their lives to reach back home on time... seeing 'tatta' lighting the evening lamp before his make shift altar, the song added a mystique dimension to what otherwise would have been just another misty evening:

Here is that Tamil song transliterated:

"Erikkum edatte vittu
illattha idam teedi
engengoo pooyi alayum
Jnana thangamee..."

Roughly translated, it reads:

“Forsaking the place you dwell
You wander amok,
O’ dear effulgent one,
Seeking out the never land ..”


These are the moments
of awakening
from the self forgetful slumber
in the dark chambers
of self imposed exile.

Reclusive detachment
or repulsive withdrawal
to many !

Nightmares shudder you off your bed
so often in your sleep,
then you sleep walk on
the edges of a neon lit phantasmagoria
and in a lightning flash you see the chasms
and realize that you cannot make it back
on your own....


while you glide back..
past the alluring, enticing
cliffs of delirium
you would have otherwise climbed
and perhaps jumped off too.


What saving grace averted it?
Which guardian angel led you by?

You open your eyes look on...
the books on your bed and scattered clothes all around,
the wet towel in the balcony
assures you another day without bath
and you reach out for the deodorant
you threw away yesterday.
You look on as if
a part of you is watching yourself,
take out the writing pad trying to scribble
the thoughts that flashed through last night
only to realize that they were just flashes
that failed ignite the spark.

You dress up and rush
eager to see the progress of
the task you automated last night...
back in your cabin
you take refuge from the cramping loneliness
of your dwelling that often becomes
a time machine as you really try hard,
concentrating ,
to sleep.


You turn on the monitor
and you still look on
trying to conjure up the work schedule
you set yesterday, and trying to read
what you jotted down
and after a few attempts you give up
unable to read your own hand writing.

You realize you are beginning
To learn the fine art
of laughing at yourself.

The monitor with its desk top filled
teleports you into it
while you look into the recycle bin too
to locate the missing file.

You google out your ignorance
dancing to the tunes of
finger taps on the key board...
metamorphosising into
information at your finger tip
with its might potential
to swing around your mood
within the scales of micro seconds.


You open your mail box....
and read with disbelief
of your friend who passed away yesterday
of a massive heart attack,
you click on your favourite
online newspaper website
and your eyes will not miss
those boxed items
set like catchments
of your fancy looking for
the day's new botheration
amidst monotonous concerns
or just a desperate fix.

You walk through the corridors alone
ruminating on
the cool indifference
of the very ones you care for
and the scheming ploys
of your colleagues..
misinterpretations, reinterpretations
dead lines and responsibilities....
caught in the quagmire of survival
driven by pain
drawn by longing
torn by despair
lifted by hope..

You move on
mustering enough
zorba's zest,
cretan grit
to wrap up the
mundane strife
and cyber grief.


Yet another day coming to an end
You set out for a long walk
look on and see...
the man on the crutches
running to catch the bus...
they dropout packing his bag
casting a lost lingering look
to start his life anew....
the molested woman
walking away with face upright...
the manic depressive trying his best
to excel at work...
the leper's wound awash with the moonlight
reminding you of
the moon seen through the telescope...

Walking back to your dwelling you realize
that you are walking on a planet
adrift like a grain of sand
in the morning sky
and a few thousands of days left
to live out your desired life span.


Reasons here give way
to subtle correlations merging into
a deeper sense of connectedness.

You stop for a while
perch on that bench...
and you feel the soothing bubbling of compassion
clearing of the murk within...
you get up and say good bye to the stranger
who shared the bench...
the gleam in his eyes...that smile
and a much gentler 'good bye' from him
assures you of the joy of being alive
and staying connected.

You get overtaken all of a sudden
with a deep sense of gratitude
and benediction on your
ability to see…to feel…and the responsive urge
to reach out expressing deeper concerns
towards greater common good.


You walk back...
with a smile
like a dying man who
smiles for no apparently
possible reason at all...

You walk back
ready for anything
with a silent prayer that
you will begin to see
the glimmer of a new growth in
every twist and turn of life
and every sequence of incidents
no matter how fierce
is the conflict between
the security of known misery
and the insecurity of unknown misery.


It all seems like a wonderful
Pastime to renew ,refresh
amuse and liberate myself
through ever new perspectives
of seeing beyond the obvious.