A desired end for a more desirable living

Just a freak thought....I feel there will be much more immediacy of purpose and sense of direction if one really knew one's life span...an inkling of when one is going to die. Lest, life becomes an seemingly endless postponement taking too many things for granted. An awareness of few years left, days…hours does really make one bring out one’s innate goodness and I wish that I die a conscious death . I want my final moments in constant remembrance of my deeds that disturbed me more than the ones that dispensed me joy, reasons I side stepped and promises I broke. Yet, at the same time I want to die with a smile with as little remorse , regret and retribution as possible. There is only one way I know of now towards this much desired dissolution - To live every moment doing everything I can towards greater common good, to reach out, to react against injustice and I believe that the courage of conviction to live thus can be mustered only if one dares to confront oneself in the darkest hours. How true, the good old saying : ”Character is what a man is in the dark!”